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    Veits nalja

    A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Manchester and,
    trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her
    class that she is a City fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if
    they, too, are City fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one
    little girl.
    The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why
    didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a City fan," she
    replied.
    The teacher, still shocked asked: "Well, if you're not a City fan,
    then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a United fan, and proud of it," Mary
    replied.
    The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a United fan?"
    "Because my mum and dad are from Salford, and my mum is
    a United fan and my dad is a United fan, so I'm a United fan
    too!"
    "Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone,"that's no
    reason for you to be a United fan. You don't have to be just like your
    parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a
    drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?" "Then," Mary smiled,
    "I'd be a Liverpool fan."

    Täiendused teretulnud..
    Not a single booking!
    Koondis: 80 mängu, 48 väravat

    #2
    sobib siia teemasse väga hästi.


    Fans, and perhaps just admirers of the World's Greatest Club, will doubtless enjoy the release of The Official MUFC Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising Key Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds which has been introduced as part of the Governments maths campaign.

    1. Roy is 78 yards away from the referee at Old Trafford and Jaap is 65 yards away. If Roy can run at 21mph and Jaap can run at 16mph, who will be sticking their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless whistler's face first, assuming Roy does not stop to stamp on an opponent on his way?

    2. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for substitutions and one minute for injuries, how much injury time will be added on by the referee if Man Utd are losing at home?

    3. Ryan is a Welshman. Express, as a percentage, the number of internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening compared to the miraculous recoveries he made for the following Saturday.

    4. Manchester United are one of the giants of world club football. How many more European Cup Finals have they appeared in than
    Steaua Bucharest? (For one extra mark; How many more than Reims?)

    5. Phil has 30 international caps. If you take away the number of appearances when he was the only adult male in England who could just about kick the ball with his left foot, how many are left?

    6. You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting defender does a tumbling United forward have to be to earn a penalty if he goes down in the box ? (Note : round your answers down to the nearest 20 metres.)

    7. Chris lives in Guildford. How much does it cost for him and his two sons to travel to the Theatre of Silence every other weekend, including limited edition matchday programme, a few drinks and prawn sandwiches all round? How much could he save per week if he watched his local team instead? Note : round your answers down to the nearest thousand pounds).

    8. Alex has a hotel room booked in Cardiff for the FA Cup Final weekend. How much money will he lose when cancelling his
    reservation? How much will he lose cancelling for the entire team?

    Kommentaar


      #3
      Leidsin vähe teistlaadi nalja(kellele nali,kellele mitte )

      http://www.onefootball.com/index.pht...;newsid=102147

      Ei tea,kas seda tõsiselt võtta või mitte :P aga et mõni tolgusest ajakirjanik selle artikliga hakkama sai on ehk isegi suurem nali.

      Kommentaar


        #4
        Orginally posted by cornwall

        Leidsin vähe teistlaadi nalja(kellele nali,kellele mitte )

        http://www.onefootball.com/index.pht...;newsid=102147

        Ei tea,kas seda tõsiselt võtta või mitte :P aga et mõni tolgusest ajakirjanik selle artikliga hakkama sai on ehk isegi suurem nali.
        Muig...Ei tõsiselt, nii loll on kah paha olla!
        Musta kassi pimedas toas on raske näha. Eriti kui teda seal pole. Aga mõned siiski näevad ...

        Kommentaar


          #5
          The year is 2020, and little Tommy scouser is sitting around the DVD/TV multiplayer unit as his dad Tommy scouser is reminiscing about the great Liverpool sides of the past.
          "Tell me about the treble winning year dad" says Tommy jnr.
          "Agh the treble winners, now that was a team,Westerveld,Henchoz,Heskey,Smicer all wonderfully skilled players..... a great side" replied his dad.

          "They swept all before them didn't they father?" queried the wide-eyed boy.

          "They did, Worthington cup, FA Cup, and UEFA cup. My God son they were awesome." Stated pops.

          "So the Worthington cup dad, who'd they beat" asked the youngster,
          "Was it Man United dad, or Arsenal?"

          "Well no, none of those son we stuffed Birmingham City, oh how we made those blue noses suffer!" added Scouser Tommy.

          "What was the score dad?
          Was it 6-0?
          I bet it was wasn't it dad?
          I bet Michael Owen scored 6!
          Did he dad?" young Tommy quizzed excitedly.

          "Er no son, no it wasn't, actually Birmingham were a great side in them days,
          and we fought hard to take them to extra time, and eventually we stuffed them in sudden death on penalties!" squirmed the senior scouser.

          "Anyhow son,
          the FA Cup was the one they all wanted,
          and we were up against Arsenal" added Tommy senior as he tried to sweep his son along on a tide of euphoria.

          "Oh Arsenal dad, oh I remember those players from history, Grimandi,Parlour and Lee Dixon, they were famous all around Islington weren't they dad?" added junior.

          "True, true, oh it was a great game son, we nearly scored once in the first half you know." Stated the proud dad

          "How many shots did we actually have that day, father?" queried Tommy junior.

          "Well er, um, about 3. "

          "And how many did Arsenal have dad? Asked Tommy.

          "Well about 15, but they weren't real chances" added Tommy senior.

          "Doesn't sound like much of a victory to me dad, just 2-1, sounds a bit lucky" sounded the young Liverpudlian.

          "Well maybe, but son the UEFA final was the big one, and we stuffed them, we scored five times" quickly added Tommy senior.

          "Five times wow, gee dad we must have given them a real hiding, who was it dad?
          Was it AC Milan or Real Madrid?
          Manchester United or Bayern Munich?
          Who dad?"

          "Well son it was the Spanish giants, Alaves" stated the elder scouser.

          "Who?" asked wee Tommy.

          "ALAVES son, oh they were a massive team in the Basque country back then.
          They had some massive names."

          "Who had they dad was it Rivaldo, he played in Spain then, or Raul and Figo,Luis Enrique was it dad?"

          " No it wasn't Raul or Rivaldo.
          Cruyff played for them and the Norwegian international Eggen and that lad from Costa Rica Mboma"

          "Johan Cruyff dad?"
          "No son, not Johan, Jordi he was almost as good as his dad. He once scored a goal for Man United against Everton you know!"

          "Oh so what was the final score dad 5-0?

          " No er, um agghh.it was 5-4 son"

          "5-4! They scored 4 times! Oh I get it dad, I remember once reading that 2 men were sent off in that final.

          So I take it Liverpool had 2 men sent off in second half, and that sorta evened out the contest?"

          "No son actually they had only 9 men son.."

          "Dad"

          "WHAT"

          "Who scored our winner that day?
          Was it Owen, or Heskey bet it was yeah?!"

          " Er, um oh it was a fella called Geli."

          "Sorry dad I've a Liverpool A-Z here, and there is Gallagher, Gamble, Gerrard, but no Geli?"

          "Well son it was a Own Goal"

          "So we beat Birmingham on penalties and
          Alaves with an OG,
          dad we seem to be a very lucky side,

          how many more shots on goal did we have on them?"

          "Well, ag, er actually they had 14 and we had 8."

          "Dad?"

          "WHAT?"

          "Can I go outside and nick some space pods from the heliovertors?"

          "Yeah go on son".
          Not a single booking!
          Koondis: 80 mängu, 48 väravat

          Kommentaar


            #6
            Replying to Topic \'Veits nalja\'

            maililistides liigub ringi järgmine anekdoot. naersin päris tükk aega...

            Kevad. Talveunest ärkavad karupojad ja tunnevad, et kube kärab tugevalt ning on vaja kedagi panna. Käivad siis metsa vahel ringi ning vaatavad siia-sinna aga kõik teised loomad veel magavad ning jänest kinni ei püüa, seega peavad pettunult oma koopasse tagasi pugema. Kihu on aga nii suur peal, et otsustavad teineteist kõige magusamalt panna aga kopra nägu käib viuh koopaukse pealt läbi. Karupojad haistavad halba, sest kobras raisk on suur lobamokk ning otsustavad ta enne maha lüüa, kui ta teistele seda häbiväärset lugu rääkida jõuab. Panevad siis kihutades koprale järgi. Kobras kihutab tuhatnelja ning jõuab napilt enne karupoegi jõeni, kus tal jää sees auk on tehtud. Hüppab sealt viimase pingutusega sisse aga juba on karupoja käpp vees ning haarab sealt kopra järgi. Suur on aga karupoja üllatus, kui näeb, et vahib hoopis tursk otsa! Tursk punnitab silmi ja küsib siis karupoja käest: \"Noh pedepojad! Tulite käsi pesema või?\"

            Kommentaar


              #7
              Replying to Topic \'Veits nalja\'

              Seda nalja ma vist olen siin foorumis kuskil juba teinud (nagu ka esimest, küll teiste klubi nimedega...):

              A Arsenal fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Arsenal
              jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St Peter in a
              Gooner scarf.
              \"Hello, mate,\" says St Peter, \"I\'m sorry, no Arsenal fans in heaven.\"
              \"What?\" exclaims the man, astonished.
              \"You heard. No Arsenal fans.\"
              \"But, but, but, I\'ve been a good man,\" replies the Arsenal supporter.
              \"Oh, really?\" says St Peter. \"What have you done then?\"
              \"Well,\" says the guy, \"three weeks before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the
              starving children in Africa.\"
              \"Oh,\" says St Peter. \"Anything else?\"
              \"Well, two weeks before I died, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless.
              \"Hmmm. Anything else?\"
              \"Yeah. A week before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans.
              \"Okay,\" says St Peter, \"you wait here a minute while I have a word with
              the governor.\"
              Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye
              and says, \"I\'ve had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here\'s your
              sixty bucks back, now **** off.\"
              "The great fallacy is that the game is first and last about winning. It’s nothing of the kind. The game is about glory. It’s about doing things in style, with a flourish, about going out and beating the other lot, not waiting for them to die of boredom". - Danny Blanchflower, legend

              Kommentaar


                #8
                Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

                A man goes into Heathrow airport and eventually makes his way into the departure lounge to wait for his flight home to be called. All aorund him there are overturned tables, upturned chairs, broken windows, smashed flight monitors and crowd control barriers lying on the ground.

                \"Christ, what\'s happened here?\" he asks one of the ground crew.

                \"Oh yeah\" he replies, \"we had the Spurs squad in here this morning filming the new Nike ad.\"

                Kommentaar


                  #9
                  Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

                  See sait sobib ikka kõige paremini selle teema alla, nalja nabani ja veelgi rohkem!!

                  Me töötame iga päev toodedega, mis me veel ei ole või hakkasime valmistama.
                  The other line moves faster.

                  Kommentaar


                    #10
                    Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

                    SkySportsi küsitlus:

                    Who is the better striker?

                    1.Law
                    2.van Nistelrooy


                    kelle jaoks nali, kelle jaoks tõde...eks igaüks saab aru, mis on minu arvamus
                    ½121½

                    Kommentaar


                      #11
                      Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

                      Algselt postitas Hughes
                      SkySportsi küsitlus:
                      Who is the better striker?
                      1.Law
                      2.van Nistelrooy
                      kelle jaoks nali, kelle jaoks tõde...eks igaüks saab aru, mis on minu arvamus
                      I need Mulder to explain this.

                      P.S. Sa ei saa ju nii rumal olla.
                      When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story!

                      Kommentaar


                        #12
                        Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

                        Metsas tehakse võistlus, kes toob metsast kõige kiiremini välja metssea.
                        Ok,läheb K-komando...poole tunni pärast tagasi, siga käes.
                        Läheb politseipatrull...tunni aja pärast tagasi, siga käes.
                        Lähvad siis kriminaalpolitseinikud...tund juba..kaks,
                        ikka ei tule...teised lähvad siis vaatama,
                        kus nad on ja mida nad näevad...krimkad peksavad põõsa taga põtra ja karjuvad:
                        \"Kurat, tunnista üles, et sa siga oled!\"

                        On vibulaskmis võistlus.
                        Kolm meest peavad mehe pea peal oleva õuna sisse noole laskma.
                        Esimene mees laseb noole õuna sisse ja ütleb \"I\'m William Tell.\"
                        Teine mees laseb noole õuna sisse ja ütleb \"I\'m Robin Hood.\"
                        Kolmas mees laseb aga mehe maha ja ütleb \"I\'m sorry.\"

                        Politseiauto jälitab ühte autot pool tundi,
                        lõpuks palub politseinik autojuhil auto tee serva
                        tõmmata ja ütleb siis talle:\"Kuna te sõitsite
                        täiesti eeskujulikult, on mul au teile anda 10000
                        kr.\" Mees vastab:\"Tänan, sellest piisab mulle
                        juhilubade saamiseks!\" Naine kõrvalistmelt
                        vastab:\"Ärge pange teda tähele, ta ütleb alati
                        selliseid imelikke asju kui ta purjus on!\".
                        Vanaema ütleb tagaistmelt:\"Ma teadsin, et me
                        poleks selle varastatud autoga minema pidanud\" Ja
                        järsku tuleb pagasnikust välja üks mees ja
                        küsib:\"Oleme me juba üle piiri?\"



                        Kommentaar


                          #13
                          Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

                          Metsas levis kulutulena uudis, et üks iiri setter oli karupoja pilbasteks söönud. Karuisa tõotas umbelt julma kättemaksu. Ta hakkas kiirelt vägesid koondama. Pöördus isegi Sarumani poole, kes vastas et tuleks hea meelega appi, ent tal on Gandalfiga hetkel palju nussimist. Karu sai aru ja saatis elukurja Sarumani persse. Saruman lubas selle peale karu mättasse lüüa, niipea kui on Gandalfiga ühel pool. Karu ütles, et kutsub haldjad appi. Lõpuks oli Sarumanil karuga vaidlemisest kopp nii ees, et ütles: \"Pohhui, ma ei viitsi su väikse sitajunniga enam tegeleda.\". Sellepeale muutus karu junniks ja hakkas tasapisi kodu poole veerema.
                          Kodus jätkas ta armee kokkuajamist. Lõpuks sai ta nädalaga kokku üsna julma sõjaväe: 600 inimsööjat jänest, 22 000 suslikmesilast, 68 karu, 400 hambutut põtra, 2000 rebast, 3 hunti ja veel muud pudi-padi.
                          Rünnak setteripoisile pidi aset leidma 22. aprilli varahommiul, mil koera peremees magas.
                          Lõpuks oligi oodatud hommik käes. Kõigepealt saadeti rünnakule mutt, kes hiilis koerale maa alt ligi ja tõmbas koera suu ettevaatlikult mäkaiveri teibiga kinni. Seejärel lendasid peale suslikmesilased, kes setteri perse paiste hammustasid. Sellepeale kargas koer püsti ja pani metsa poole plagama. Seda oligi karul just vaja. Metsas püüdsid rebased ta kinni ja kraapisid setteri karvutuks. Seejärel sõid hundid talt liha küljest. Seepeale vajus koer jõuetuna maha.
                          \"No krants, on mõnus piinelda, jah? See on sulle mu armsa karujuntsiku tapmise eest\". Kõne lõpetanud, võttis karu kätte kännujuurika ja lõi sellega peniraipe lõplikult mättasse. \"Närakas\", nuristas karu hammaste vahelt ja poetas seejärel pisara. Kõik loomad olid rahul, välja arvatud põdrad. \"Kuradi munn oled karu. Meil ei lasknud midagi teha\", kaebles põdrakronks ja lahkus koos liigikaaslastega noruspäi. \"Saagige pekki, sarvepriidud\", muheles karu sellepeale.

                          Niimoodi see kena lugu lõppeski.


                          --------------------------------------------------------------------


                          Blondiin kimab autoga ja politsei peatab ta.
                          \"Miks te kiirust ületate, sõitsite 120 km/tunnis?\" pärib politsei.
                          Blondiin vastu: \"Ma pole tund aega sõitnudki!\"
                          DELFI: FC Levadia võitis 24:0 (vs. FC Soccernet)
                          Ljohha: "See number 14 oli soccernetil ainuke mees kes midagi jagas"

                          AD e. Andekas Disainer...

                          Kommentaar


                            #14
                            Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

                            Rahvarohkes kohas pillab naine paki.
                            Te pillasite oma paki,ütleb möödakäija.
                            naine: ALLAH AKBAR

                            Kommentaar


                              #15
                              Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

                              PUNAMYTSIKE KÕNNIB METSAS JA KETT TULEB MAHA!!!!!!
                              742617000027
                              (sic)
                              (515)
                              MAGGOT

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