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    #31
    Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

    Ei kommentaari.

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      #32
      Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

      heh, eston on Eddie Murphyt vaadanud

      et mitte niisama mögiseda, siis üks vana, kuid hea kild:

      Kahel parmul tuleb kange isu naise järele, aga mis sa teed - niisama ju selliseid keegi ei taha... nonii, lõbukasse. Klapivad ukse taga kahepeale rahad kokku - rohkem ei saa kui kolm kümpi. Mõtlevad, et mis seal ikka, küsija suu peale ei lööda, koputavad, perenaine teeb lahti. Parmud ütlevad, et näete, tahaks naist saada. Perenaine muidugi vastu, et aga palun, sõltub sellest palju teil pappi on ja valige. \"Vot 30 krooni.\" Perenaine muidugi vihastab, et no selle raha eest võite teineteisele p..se taguda, siit ei saa küll midagi, ja virutab ukse kinni. Läheb mingi pool tundi mööda, jälle koputatakse. Perenaine teeb lahti, samad parmud ukse taga, kolm kümpi näpu vahel: \"Me tahtsime küsida, et kelle kätte me nüüd selle raha peame maksma?\"
      armastan ma headust üle kõige vihkan lolle

      Kommentaar


        #33
        Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

        Police have today admitted that George Best was not in fact buried in
        Belfast last week and that in retrospect the decision to cremate him in
        Hemel Hempstead on Sunday morning might have been a mistake.
        «Kuule, konn, kas vesi on soe?»
        «Mina istun siin, muide, nagu konn, aga mitte nagu termomeeter!»

        Kommentaar


          #34
          Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

          hea töö. mõtlesin ka isa selle postitamise peale, kuid otsustasin mitte, sest lapsed tõmbavad jälle vahu üles

          Kommentaar


            #35
            Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

            Chucki naljad peavad olema ebaterved....


            Chuck Norris\' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

            Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

            Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

            The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

            If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can\'t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

            Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK\'s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

            To prove it isn\'t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

            Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn\'t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

            A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris\' shoe. Chuck replied, \"Don\'t you know who I am? I\'m Chuck Norris!\" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

            A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

            When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

            Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

            When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

            The quickest way to a man\'s heart is with Chuck Norris\'s fist.

            Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

            Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

            Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f**king Indian.

            Chuck Norris\'s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, \"HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!\" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend\'s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, \"Don\'t f**k with Chuck!\" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

            Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren\'t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

            Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

            Chuck Norris waited patiently in Al Capone’s vault for 63 years just so he could give Geraldo Rivera the surprise beating of his lifetime.

            The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

            Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth\'s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

            There is nothing to fear but fear itself, and fear itself fears Chuck Norris.

            Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

            Chuck Norris doesn\'t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

            After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more \"humane\".

            Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by \"knit\", I mean \"kick\", and by \"sweaters\", I mean \"babies\".

            Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

            It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
            When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story!

            Kommentaar


              #36
              Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

              Q: Why don\'t blind people skydive?
              A: It scares the shit out of the dog.

              Q: How do you know when you\'re REALLY ugly?
              A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

              Q: Mom\'s have Mother\'s Day, Father\'s have Father\'s Day. What do single guys have?
              A: Palm Sunday

              Q: Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
              A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

              Q: What\'s sicker than driving over a baby?
              A: Skidding

              Q: What\'s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
              A: Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.

              Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
              A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.

              Q: What do you call a Welshman with a sheep under each arm?
              A: A pimp.

              Q: What does a Welshman call a sheep with no legs?
              A: Easy!

              Q: What do 60,000 abused woman have in common?
              A: They don\'t fuckin listen!

              Q: What do you call a Gay Dinosaur
              A: Megasorass

              Q: What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur
              A: Lickalotapus

              Q: What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
              A: Nice tits!

              Q: What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
              A: Slow down and use a lubricant.

              Q: What\'s the Cuban national anthem?
              A: \"Row, Row, Row Your Boat\"
              We have to disorganise their organisation so we have to be very creative.

              Kommentaar


                #37
                Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

                martin, sul jäid need mainimata

                Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director
                said he can’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,”
                and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

                If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same
                time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

                Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
                “BOOYA”.

                On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.

                Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

                When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris
                plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.

                It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light
                side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

                Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world’s hardest substance.
                But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face
                so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into
                artificial Chuck Norris.

                Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out
                of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

                God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
                super strength roundhouse ability.

                When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was
                10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.

                Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

                A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this
                phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

                Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
                Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the
                face.

                Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer
                space by the naked eye.

                Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

                Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

                Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
                water.

                If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies just check the extinct species
                list.

                Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

                Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.

                When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said,
                “don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five
                minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
                few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
                his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the
                face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

                We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before
                they could tell him there was a stripper in it

                In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his most
                memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in Total
                Recall.

                Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

                If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who
                would win?
                Chuck Norris

                Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.

                Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out
                transformed into a robot.

                In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton
                for one scene and nobody noticed.

                Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the
                1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of
                jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card
                from the game Uno.

                Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse
                kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or
                hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

                Chuck Norris invented water.

                Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a
                vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone
                constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then
                burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the
                flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”

                One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his
                left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its
                technical term: Jupiter.

                Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of
                Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes
                of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
                symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the
                feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

                Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s father.

                Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he
                simply changes the actual spelling of it.

                Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when
                Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

                Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and
                roundhouse kick them.

                In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen
                powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks

                Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied ‘I am a
                club’ and everyone partied on him… Until he roundhouse kicked them all
                because someone spilt his beer.

                Kommentaar


                  #38
                  Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

                  A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
                  HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
                  staring at him, looks down and says, \"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
                  member, 3 pound left test1cle, 3 pound right test1cle, Turner Brown.\"

                  The white man faints and falls to the floor.
                  The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
                  says, \"What\'s wrong with you?\"

                  In a weak voice the little guy says, \"What EXACTLY did you say to me?\"
                  The big dude says, \"I saw your curious look and figured I\'d just give
                  you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I\'m 7 feet
                  tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left test1cle
                  weighs 3 pounds, my right test1cle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is
                  Turner Brown.\"

                  The small guy says, \"Turner Brown!...Thank God for that, I thought you
                  said, \"Turn Around\"!

                  Kommentaar


                    #39
                    Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

                    2 tampooni päevitavad, yks ytleb teisele: \"Ma olen punasem kui sina!\"
                    YR1 Power

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                      #40
                      Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

                      «Kuule, konn, kas vesi on soe?»
                      «Mina istun siin, muide, nagu konn, aga mitte nagu termomeeter!»

                      Kommentaar


                        #41
                        Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

                        see oli piisavalt rõve ja koolivaheajaks ma seda siia ei jäta..

                        lohutuseks üks teemasse kenasti sobituv pildike
                        «Kuule, konn, kas vesi on soe?»
                        «Mina istun siin, muide, nagu konn, aga mitte nagu termomeeter!»

                        Kommentaar


                          #42
                          Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

                          Q-What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
                          A-How are we suposed to find an egg in all of this shit?
                          Jack of all trades, Master of nuns

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                            #43
                            Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

                            see teema hakkab vaikselt muutuma wulffi pasteboardiks, aga mis teha - need on lihtsalt nii head:

                            Jack of all trades, Master of nuns

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                              #44
                              Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

                              censored
                              Last edited by wiiner; 12.11.13, 08:54.
                              DELFI: FC Levadia võitis 24:0 (vs. FC Soccernet)
                              Ljohha: "See number 14 oli soccernetil ainuke mees kes midagi jagas"

                              AD e. Andekas Disainer...

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                                #45
                                Vastus teemale \'ebaterve huumor\'

                                Algselt postitas Pealik
                                Algselt postitas Devil
                                Siuke libu sa oledki? Naine jätab maha ja kohe teiste kaissu..
                                Ma pole kellegi kaisus olnud, me lihtsalt tantsisime ja puhusime juttu
                                Noh, mulle meeldib ka kli****iga juttu puhuda!
                                DELFI: FC Levadia võitis 24:0 (vs. FC Soccernet)
                                Ljohha: "See number 14 oli soccernetil ainuke mees kes midagi jagas"

                                AD e. Andekas Disainer...

                                Kommentaar

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