Veits nalja

[BlueBlackWhite-]

Vana nali, aga Goolge translate naljad ei vanane

http://translate.google.com/#et|en|keskerakonnale%20meeldib%20olla%20sassis%20eesel

[CD7]

Irony of a woman.

All day she:
Puts on make up.
Puts on Perfume.
Makes the best hairstyle.

Finally, People look at her and say: "WoW Nice Ass"...!"

[Scooter]

Pohmas jänes kõnnib mööda džunglit ringi ja näeb - hunt on krokodillil kõhus, ainult pea on veel väljas.
Sellepeale jänes pomiseb oma ette: "Nihujaa... hunt on endale Lacoste magamiskoti sebind..."

[CD7]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are - my - test - results - back?"

[Teiresias]

Naisõigused.

[football2u]

BREAKING NEWS: After entering the dressing room, Torres put a gun to his head and tried to shoot himself but he MISSED that too!

[Daz Booob]

naine läheb kartulaid tooma, kuid jääb autu alla ning sureb silmapilkselt.
Sõber siis küsib leselt, et mida's nüüd teed?
Mees ohkab raskelt ja vastab: "makarone."

[CD7]

Naine tuleb koju ja vaatab, et meest pole kodus. Leiab eest mingi paberitüki, mille peal on kriips. Naine ootab niimoodi kaks päeva meest. Alles kolmandal päeval tuleb mees koju. Naine kohe pärima, et kus sa olid ma ju muretsesin, miks sa ei öelnud, kuhu sa lähed?! Mees sellepeale: Ma ju jätsin sulle kirja! Naine vastu: Paberitükk, mille peale oli tõmmatud mingi jutt!! Mees jäi endale kindlaks ja lausus: Seal oli selgelt kirjas: JOON!

[CD7]

George Bush ja Vladimir Putin pistetakse sügavkülma. Aastal 2040 äratatakse mõlemad ellu. Putin võtab laualt ajalehe ja hakkab kõva häälega naerma. Bush imestab, mis lahti, haarab ajalehe endale ja teeb suured silmad. Pealkiri ütleb: "USA-s on kommunism". Kuni Putin irvitab, võtab Bush teise ajalehe, pistab veel kõvema häälega naerma ja kargab mööda tuba ringi. Putin ei usu, et miski saaks veel naljakam olla kui kommunistlik USA, ja rabab lehe Bushi käest endale. Pealkirja näinud, saab ta peaaegu rabanduse: "Rahutused Eesti–Hiina piiril"

[hanemoos]

What do Carlos Tevez and Maddie McCann have in common?

It's unlikely that you'll ever see them playing in England again.

[CD7]

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands .'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

[CD7]

Ingel lendab mööda teed. Tee ääres mees, vahetab autol rehvi.
Ingel küsib mehelt : " Mis teed ?! "
Mees: " Nussin...."
Ingel: " Aga sa tõelist nussi tahaks praegu ?! "
Mees: " No sellest nüüd küll praegu ära ei ütleks. ..."
.... pumm ja kõik neli rehvi puruks.

[Andres.]

Ingel lendab mööda teed. Tee ääres mees, vahetab autol rehvi.
Ingel küsib mehelt : " Mis teed ?! "
Mees: " Nussin...."
Ingel: " Aga sa tõelist nussi tahaks praegu ?! "
Mees: " No sellest nüüd küll praegu ära ei ütleks. ..."
.... pumm ja kõik neli rehvi puruks.

Hahaha, hea

[hanemoos]

I saw a girl walking down the street that I fucked years ago, so I ran up behind her, covered her eyes and whispered, "Guess who... I took your virginity..."

She said, "Dad?"

"Dad?" I replied, staggering back in disgust. "You lost your virginity to your Dad?"

She turned round and said, "Oh... It's you... I told you that you were my first because I was ashamed of what happened with my..."

"I don't want to hear it," I interrupted. "Fuck you, and your Dad."

As I walked off, I turned round and shouted, "Tell him Uncle Tony won't be coming round this Christmas."

[CD7]

After his death, Steve Jobs wakes up in Hell and asks Satan, "Why am I here? Certainly I've changed the world for the better through an innovative technological revolution."

"That's quite true," says Satan. "You belong 'upstairs' and I'm only borrowing you for a few days. But see, whenever new evil-doers land in hell, they're presented with a brand new 17 inch MacBook Pro with quad-core processors, 8 gigabytes of RAM, and a 500 gigabyte solid state drive."

"That sounds like a pretty good deal, actually," says Jobs. "So why am I here?"

"I need you to help me load them all with Windows ME."