Veits nalja

[futbolidipaul]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Pärast mitut külma- ja talvekuud on lõpuks kätte jõudmas suvi ja grillimishooaeg. Seega on oluline värskendada oma mälu selle peene värskes õhus toimuva toiduvalmistamise etiketi osas, kuna see on ikkagi ainus toiduvalmistamise viis, millega “tõeline” mees tegeleb- ilmselt sellega seonduva kõrge ohuteguri tõttu.
Kui mees pakub välja, et ta grillib, järgneb sellel allpool lahtiseletatud ahelreaktsioon:
Protsess…
(1) Naine ostab toidu.
(2) Naine valmistab ette salati, köögiviljad ja magustoidu.
(3) Naine valmistab liha ette grillimiseks, asetab selle kandikule koos vajalike toiduvalmistamisvahendite ja -kastmetega ning viib selle mehe kätte, kes vedeleb grilli kõrval- käes õlleklaas.
Nüüd tuleb oluline osa:
(4) MEES ASETAB LIHA GRILLILE.
Protsess jätkub….
(5) Naine läheb tuppa, et panna valmis taldrikud ja noad-kahvlid.
(6) Naine tuleb välja, et öelda mehele, et liha kärssab. Mees tänab teda ja palub naisel tuua veel üks õlu, kuni ta olukorda lahendab.
Taas oluline osa:
(7) MEES VÕTAB LIHA GRILLILT NING ANNAB SELLE ÜLE NAISELE.
Protsess jätkub….
(8) Naine paneb valmis taldrikud, salati, leiva, noad-kahvlid, salvrätid, kastmed ja toob need lauale.
(9) Peale söömist koristab naine laua ja peseb nõud.
Ja nüüd kõige tähtsam:
(10) Kõik KIIDAVAD ja TÄNAVAD MEEST tema saavutuste eest toiduvalmistamisel.
(11) Mees küsib naiselt, kuidas tollele meeldis, et mees “vahelduseks süüa tegi” ja naine “puhata sai”. Nähes ärritunud nägu, nendib mees, et mõningad naised ei ole millegagi rahul…

[fitti]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Päris hää raadiotüng.

[Scooter]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Tuhkatriinu joove - saabus koju ühe kingaga
Lumivalgukese pohmell - ärkas jällle hommikul seitsme mehe kõrvalt
Punamütsikese pohmell - ärkas hommikul vanaema voodist (koos vanaemaga)
Okasroosikese joove - on mäluaugus järgmised 100 aastat
Pohmell \"Keisri uued riided\" - ärkas hommiku alasti tänaval
Väikese Merineitsi joove - jalad ei irdu teineteisest ning lõhnad heeringa järele
Kurja Hundi pohmell - hingeõhk haiseb nii pahasti, et välja hingates kukuks põrsakeste kivimaja pikali

[varix]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

see sobib küll siia:
With the World Cup kicking off in just over two weeks, footy fever has gripped the nation. The male half of the population in particular is preparing itself for what it considers to be pure heaven: four weeks of the beautiful game played by the world\'s most graceful players (and Peter Crouch). But it\'s not just the chance to drink beer and gain exclusive rights to the remote that\'s got men so excited - it also, according to a survey, gives them the chance to express their true feelings.

[Saarlane]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Selle lehekülje aadressi kopeerite Babelfishi


Babelfish ise asub siin

Juhin tähelepanu prantsuskeelsele tekstile, kus on kirjas selline asi:

Nationalité : française

Ingliskeeles kõlab selline asi Babelfishi arust niimoodi- Nationality: Frenchwoman

[vincent]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Algselt postitas Saarlane


Selle lehekülje aadressi kopeerite Babelfishi


Babelfish ise asub siin

Juhin tähelepanu prantsuskeelsele tekstile, kus on kirjas selline asi:

Nationalité : française

Ingliskeeles kõlab selline asi Babelfishi arust niimoodi- Nationality: Frenchwoman

a ongi ju
meessoost prantslase kohta ikka \"Francais\" öeldakse.
niiet viga algallikas
näed, rikkusingi jälle nalja ära

[mömm]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa. Half
discovered, half-wild, naturally beautiful with
fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30, a woman is like UK. Well developed
and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, she is like India. Very hot,
relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France. Gently
aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the
war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction
is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, Very wide and
borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps
people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia. A
glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become like Afghanistan. Everyone knows
where it is, but no one wants to go there.


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 90, a man is like the USA .......
Ruled by a dick.

[-Loom-]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

http://www.politsei.com/

[Scooter]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Algselt postitas Chobram
http://www.politsei.com/

Tere tulemast Internetti...

[Nurmekas]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

One morning Bobby\'s mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S&M magazine under the bed. She was beside herself worrying and stressing trying to think of how to handle the situation.

Finally her husband came home from work and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going handle this situation.

Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, \"Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question.\"

[futbolidipaul]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, \"I\'ve kidnapped you.\"

She then wrote a big note saying, \"I\'ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.\"

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid\'s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, \"How could you do this to a fellow blonde?\"


xxxxxx



Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain :\"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have
lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean\".
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were
somewhat comforted by the captain\'s next announcement.
\"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your
seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and
all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane after this announcement all
the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain\'s
request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The
captain once again made an announcement:
\"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane...
-Thank You For Flying Lufthansa- \".

[Jasper]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Nüüd tuleb arvatavasti vana nali aga teema on üleval:

English World cup commentary guidelines - worth a laugh..
English World cup commentary guidelines - worth a laugh..

This list of England commentary guidelines has been going around for a while now but still makes me grin every time I see it.

1 -Within 1 minute of kick off in the opening match (Germany v Costa Rica), the commentator must mention England.

2 - Regardless of what two teams are contesting the final, England have to be mentioned within the first minute.

3 - The commentator shall refer to the Falkland Isles in passing at some point in the match if England play Argentina.

4 - Whenever a hat trick is scored, comparisons with Geoff Hurst will be made within seconds of the third goal hitting the net.

5 - Should England wear their red jerseys, then \'1966\' should be mentioned approximately 20 times.

6 - 1966 will be mentioned approximately 10 times a match, or only on 4 or 5 occasions for matches not involving England.

7 - Prior to the captain of the winning team lifting the trophy, the commentator will mention Bobby Moore. And 1966.

8 - When Germany are playing, they must be referred to as being arrogant by the commentator on at least 14 occasions. This must refer to their style, their passing, their haircuts and their general footballing ability.

9 - Should England play Germany, mentions of Winston Churchill, Dambusters, The Luftwaffe and Adolf Hitler will be compulsory. And 1966.

10 - All Scottish members of our commentary team must continue to refer to England as \"we\" and \"us\".

11 - We must ensure that nationalistic stereotypes are adhered to. Of course, the Germans are arrogant. The Spanish are bottlers, The Ivory Coast are fast but bad at defending, The Angolans are disorganised, The Argentinians are cheats and the French are only good because their best players play in England.

12 - For matches not involving England, we must only discuss the players that are playing in England. (eg - Holland v Argentina should be referred to as Van Nistelroy v Crespo).

13 - The mythical \"bulldog spirit\" phrase should be used as often as possible.

14 - Each match involving England should begin with the phrase \"England Expects \"

15 - Should any player be involved in an injury that involves the loss of teeth, then references to Nobby Stiles and 1966 are compulsory.

16 - If in doubt, mention 1966.

17 - Praise all of the stunning new stadiums in Germany but emphasise that they lack the presence of Wembley, the spiritual home of football since 1966.

18 - Commentators should feel free to imitate the style of Kenneth Wolstenholme, the hero of 1966.

19 - Should any team feature brothers playing together, then Jackie and Bobby Charlton should be mentioned.

20 - When England bow out after the first stage, we must emphasise that it is a massive blow to football and a serious loss to the World Cup.

[Sajets]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Drive-by farting

[ZhiT]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

http://www.improveverywhere.com/mission_view.php?mission_id=53

Suicide Jumper

[ek]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Slashdot-is oli kgunai akterkil slelset, et iminene sduuab leguda tsketi, kus õgies jekärjarros on viad snõa eismene ja viniame thät. Snõa kskeel atsuvae teähtde jrokäjred ei hlvaedna olseluilt lousevatt. Kas tiee staae slleset aru, mdia ma kjuitran? Kas slele leguimne vlaimatsb tiele oluillset rekhom rksasui nnig vaõtb rehkom agea, kui õistgei kujritutad ssvaliue tktsei lgeumine?

Vatsvaalt Crabmidge\'i Ükoloili uunilurge ploe ollunie, mis jokrrearjäs on theäd snaõs; onilule on viad see, et emisene ja vaniime thät oskelid õgeil kaohl. Kiõk muu viõb olla tlieäik sdoi, aga sa saduud sada ikka leguda imla preelombiedta. Sdea pujheõsl, et iinmmiuõmsts ei loe thtäi üskvahal, viad snõu teukvirna.