Veits nalja

[Hellik]

Monty Python-The Prejudice Show

[futbolidipaul]

Talv, mees sõidab rekkaga mööda teed.
Blondiin vurab autoga kõrvale, signaalitab. Mees kerib akna alla...
Blondiin: "Härra, teil koorem libiseb maha."
Mees: " Ah minge ära."
Veits aja pärast blondiin uuesti: "Härra!!! Teil koorem vajub kastist maha!!!!!"
Mees: "Mine *****"
Kolmandat korda: "HÄRRA, TEIE KOOREM LIBISEB KASTIST MAHA!!!!"
Mees: " KURAT VÕTAKS,MUL ON LIIVAPUISTAMISAUTO!!


Футбольный клуб Chelsea покидает премьер-лигу. Половина клуба переезжает в Италию, где будет выступать под названием Chelsea-Roma, вторая половина - в Ирландию, с названием Chelsea-IRA.

[Pealik]

Chuck Norrise auto peale seda kui ta oli autole roundhousekick'i teinud

http://auto24.delfi.ee/kasutatud/auto.php?id=279799

[Sir Tamme]

Sõjas lastakse rasedale naisele kolm kuuli kerre. Juhuse kombel jääb naine elama, kuid küla arstid on nii saamatud, et ei oska opereerida ja kuulid jäävad sisse. Naine sünnitab kolmikud: kaks tütart ning poja. Kui lapsed suuremaks kasvavad, ütleb ema:

"Vaadake, kui te pissil käite, siis võib juhtuda, et teist tuleb välja kuul. See on hea asi ja siis öelge seda mulle ka."

Lapsed jätavad selle meelde. Mõne aja pärast tulebki üks tütardest ema juurde ja hõiskab:

"Emme! Emme! Ma pissisin kuuli välja!"

Mõne aja pärast tuleb ka teine tütar ja ütleb:

"Emme! Emme! Ma pissisin kuuli välja!"

Ema rõõmustab ja mõtleb, et varsti peaks ka poeg sama asjaga hakkama saama. Varsti tulebki poiss ema juurde ja tahab midagi öelda, kuid ema ütleb vahele:

"Jaa, jaa! Ma tean - sa pissisid kuuli välja!"

"Ei, ema!" vastab poiss. "Ma onareerisin elutoas ja lasin kogemata isa maha!"

[vincent]

futbolidipauli postituse teine kild on küll mega

[vandersell]

futbolidipauli postituse teine kild on küll mega

*Muie*
Imelikul kombel kirillitsas kribatud nalja ma töö juures tähele ei pannudki. Väga peen.

Ning siis loed warese kildu ja mõtled...

[ballack]

Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys,
All on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

[futbolidipaul]

USA-Ukraina tippkohtumine. Jutuajamise lõpul lausub Bush Juštšenkole:
„Ne pizdi, poshol na hui!” ja lahkub. Juures viibinud ametnikud on hämmingus, lähevad oma USA kolleegide juurde asja uurima. Varsti tuleb üks ameeriklane häbelikult Ukraina delegatsiooni juurde:
„Vabandust, aga Bush on kõik need aastad mõelnud, et Putin soovib talle head päeva jätku...”

[ek]

"Helistasite Maa-ameti infotelefonil. Kui soovite esitada kaebusi, vajutage tärn; kui soovite maid vahetada, vajutage trellid."

[ek]

2 reidipede käisid Viru Keskuse katusel uusi reidipilte tegemas.
Üks oleks äärepealt alla kukkunud, viimasel hetkel sai äärest kinni aga enne seda käis terve Rate.ee silme eest läbi

[futbolidipaul]

A crusty old Marine Corps Colonel found himself at a gala event at a posh hotel, sponsored by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely attractive, idealistic young women in attendance. One of them approached the colonel.

"Excuse me sire, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time? Or is there something that's bothering you?"

"No, I'm just serious by nature."

Looking over the colonel's ribbons, the young lady said, "You seem to have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, a lot of action," said the colonel rather curtly.

Finding it hard work trying to start a conversation with the colonel, the young woman said, "You know, you should lighten up a little . . . relax and enjoy yourself."

This didn't seem to move the colonel, who just looked at her very seriously.

Exasperated, the woman said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

"1955."

"Well no wonder you're the way you are! You really need to chill out a little and quite taking everything so seriously. I mean, no sex since 1955 is a little extreme!"

"I don't think so, it's only, 2130 now."

[fitti]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaxJ_b3MyCU

see link on vist tegelikult enne olnud, aga topelt ei kärise. Mul on igal juhul silmad märjad ja nats töökaaslaste ees piinlik ja lähen nüüd ruttu ära.

[lennat]

Karu ja Jänes istuvad, tagumikud urvis, metsas mahalangenud tüve peal ja libistavad lepikuliisut.
Peale kolmandat kopsikutäit kukub Karu järsku tümpsti! üle puu, perse õieli.
"Täis?", pakub Jänes.
"Sipelgas!" möirgab Karu.

[Maarek]

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two
menalong the roadside eating grass.Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop
and he got out toinvestigate.He asked one man, "Why are you eating
grass?""We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied."We have to
eat grass.""Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed
you," thelawyer said."But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.
They are overthere, under that tree.""Bring them along," the lawyer
replied.Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us,
also."The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also havea
wife and SIX children with me!""Bring them all, as well," the lawyer
answered.They all entered the car, which was no easy task,even for a car as
large as the limousine was.Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to
the lawyer and said,"Sir, you are too kind.Thank you for taking all of us
with you."The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.You'll really love my
place.The grass is almost a foot high."

[ek]

As he was leaving office for the last time, Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning.
He told Bush that Three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone’s amazement, all of the colour ran from Bush’s face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering.
Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, “Just exactly how many is a brazillion?”