Veits nalja

[jazzjansa]

Keskaegne klienditugi.

http://www.meie.tv/view_video.php?viewkey=0dd18fb6a09af0923df&page=1&viewtype=&category=tr

[mazz]

Ühest teisest toredast foorumist:

Naisel sureb mees ära ja läheb siis selgeltnägija juurde, et teada saada kuidas mehel teises ilmas läheb. Selgeltnägija saabki mehega kontakti ja naine küsib, et kuidas siis on.

Mees vastab, et hommikul tõuseb üles, siis kepib, sööb hommikust, kepib veelkord, sööb lõunat, kepib veel väheke, sööb õhtust ja pärast kiiret kähkukat läheb magama ja nii iga päev.

Naine lööb ahhetades käsi kokku, et kas mees sai tõesti taevasse. Selle peale vastab mees, et ei, taassündis hoopis Viljandi lähedale tallu jäneseks.

[eston maravilha]

hommikustest raadiouudisdest:

inglise jalgpallifännidest teame nii palju, et nad joovad palju õlut, lehvitavad lippe ja laulavad.

[AlwaysRed]

Two boys are playing football in the park in London when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dog's collar and twists it, breaking the dog's neck. At the same time, a newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park is watching. He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition. He writes, "West Ham fan saves friend from vicious animal." The boy interrupts: "But I'm not a West Ham fan." The reporter starts again: "Spurs fan saves friend from horrific attack." The boy interrupts again: "I'm not a Spurs fan either." The reporter asks: "Who do you support, then?" "Chelsea," replies the boy. So the reporter starts again: "Chelsea bastard kills family pet"

[buub]

Tuppa siseneb väike tüdruk:
''Vanaema, kes on lits?''
''Ohh, lapsekene, see on üks hirmus inimene!''
''Hirmsam kui Frankenstein?''
''Hmm, jaa...''
''Hirmsam kui Dracula?!''
''Jaa...''
Seepeale tõmbab tüdruk end küüru, tõstab käed ja liigub silmi pööritades vanaema poole:''Uu, üü, ma olen lits, uu, üü...''

[AlwaysRed]

Paddy the Irish Scouser is appearing on "Who wants to be a millionaire?"

Chris Tarrant: "Paddy you've done very well so far -£64,000 and 1 life left - phone a friend, the next question will give you £125,000 if you get it right but if you get it wrong you will be out of the game and drop to £32,000 - are you ready?"

Paddy : "For sure Chris I am"
Chris : " On the screen is a photo of a current Liverpool player as a baby - which Liverpool player is it?

Think about this carefully Paddy its worth £125,000 only 3 questions away from the million"

Paddy : " I think I know who it is ........er....but I'm not sure, no I'm sure its Fowler , I'm sure its Fowler (pause) can I phone a friend Chris just to be sure ?"

Chris: "Yes Paddy who do you want to phone ?"

Paddy : "I'll phone Murphy" (ringing)

Murphy : "Hello"

Chris : "Hello Murphy, its Chris Tarrant here from Who wants to be a millionaire? - I have Paddy O'Reilly here and he is doing really well on £64,000 but needs your help to get to £125,000 - Murphy are you next to the fax machine as this is a visual question and I'm faxing you a photo now, have you received it ?"

Murphy : "Yes"

Chris: " The next voice you hear will be Paddys - he'll explain

the question and you have 30 seconds to answer - fire away Paddy"

Paddy : " Murphy that photo is a baby photo of what current Liverpool player - I'm sure its Robbie Fowler what do you think ?"

Murphy : "Its never Fowler, its obviously McManaman"

Paddy : "You think ?

Murphy : "I'm sure "

Paddy : " Thanks Murphy "(hangs up)

Chris : "Well a difference of opinion - do you want to stick on

£64,000 or play on for £125,000, Paddy?"

Paddy : "I want to play, I am so sure its Fowler I am going to

go with my first answer - Fowler"

Chris : "Is that your final answer?"

Paddy : "It is"

Chris : "Are you confident?"

Paddy : "Yes fairly"

Chris : "Paddy .....you had £64,000 and you said Fowler - if

its right you win £125,000 if its wrong you go away with £32,000 -

Paddy (drumroll) ..................................... It was wrong - sorry Paddy.

Here is your cheque for £32,000 you have been a great contestant and a real gambler, audience please put your hands together for Paddy"

(clapping ..................)

Paddy : "Before I go Chris - what was the correct answer its killing me?"

Chris : "It was Paul Ince"

[futbolidipaul]

Tom was in his early 50's, retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.

"Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?"

"They said, "Good morning, General."

[AlwaysRed]

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan in a suit?
A: The accused

..............

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a Chelsea fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the Chelsea fan. Twice.

...............

Q: How do you confuse a Chelsea fan?
A: Show him a map of London

.................

Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to anyone from Chelsea?
A: It saves time

.....................

Q: What do you say to a Chelsea fan with a job?
A: Can I have a Big Mac?

[eston maravilha]

mul ka paar sarnast nalja

Q: What do you call a ManU fan in a suit?
A: The accused

..............

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a ManU fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the ManU fan. Twice.

...............

Q: How do you confuse a ManU fan?
A: Show him a map of Manchester

.................

Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to anyone from Manchester?
A: It saves time

.....................

Q: What do you say to a ManU fan with a job?
A: Can I have a Big Mac?

[vandersell]

haha

Ma ei teadnud, et sa Zhiti vend oled.

Ja sina, eston, joo vähem.

[eston maravilha]

tänan sõber, see 1 õlu oli tõesti liiast

[Saarlane]

Absurdikas: kaks pingviini kukuvad trepist alla - üks on kollane, teine pöörab paremale.

[lennat]

Mees rändab Ameerikas ringi. Õhtu jõuab kätte ja mees hakkab öömaja otsima. Ainsal võõrastemajal, mille ta leiab, ripub silt: "Ainult mustadele!"

Häda ei anna häbeneda. Mees ostab karbi musta viksi ja teeb end neegriks. Ta läheb võõrastemajja, võtab toa ja palub omanikul ennast kell kuus hommikul üles äratada.

Kell kuus ajabki omanik mehe üles. See läheb duši alla ja hakkab värvi maha hõõruma. Nühib ja nühib, aga ei midagi.

Pärast selgus, et omanik oli hoopis vale mehe üles äratanud.

[Maarek]

et siis nõnda on kunagistel aegadel kohut mõistetud...

http://lists.artun.ee/attachments/foorum/24/c4/40f2e9f/01.Kohtuprotokoll.pdf

[Jaan]

et siis nõnda on kunagistel aegadel kohut mõistetud...


http://lists.artun.ee/attachments/fo...uprotokoll.pdf

Kas seesama Aleksander II, kes jumala armust neli aastat varem ära oli tapetud?