Veits nalja

[vandersell]

Palju kallineb? Ja suitsupakk. Õlleaktsiisi tõstmine on muidugi minu meelest kriminaalne, suitsud- aga palun.

[Mõnuagent 007]

Palju kallineb? Ja suitsupakk. Õlleaktsiisi tõstmine on muidugi minu meelest kriminaalne, suitsud- aga palun.

Üritan uurida. Peast ei mäleta. Aktsiisi tõsteti aasta alguse poole suure hurraaga, prasjagu, kui kõik rääkisid kas kuluhüvitistest või pronksist.

[Mõnuagent 007]

Nüüd ma ei tee nalja. Aga õllepudel läheb kallimaks kolm kuni neli krooni.

Järgmisel aastal saab Eestist üks Euroopa kõige kõrgema alkoholiaktsiisiga riike. Tarbijale tähendab see keskmiselt kolme- kuni neljakroonist hinnatõusu pooleliitriselt pudelilt.

Alkoholiaktsiisi kavatseb Eesti valitsus tõsta aastavahetusel kümnendiku, järgmise aasta juu-lis aga veel 20 protsendi võrra.

Tegelikkuses võib pooleliitrise õllepudeli hind kasvada enamgi, kuivõrd lisanduvad ka käibemaks ja kaubanduslik juurdehindlus.

Saku Õlletehase juhatuse esimehe Ireneusz Smaga hinnangul võib aktsiisitõusust tulenev õlletootjate kasum väheneda järgmisel aastal kuni 30 protsenti. See seab äri omakorda suure riski alla, muutes Eesti turu vähem atraktiivseks ka Saku Õlletehase suuromaniku Baltic Beverages Holdingu (BBH) jaoks.

[Maekas]

Nüüd ma ei tee nalja. Aga õllepudel läheb kallimaks kolm kuni neli krooni.

Järgmisel aastal saab Eestist üks Euroopa kõige kõrgema alkoholiaktsiisiga riike. Tarbijale tähendab see keskmiselt kolme- kuni neljakroonist hinnatõusu pooleliitriselt pudelilt.

Peaks vist Tartus ka kiiremas korras poed tühjaks ostma...

[margunn]

rah min andmetel tõuseb õlle aktsiis 1,40 eek/pudel pealt 1,92 eek/pudel peale. km tuleb loomulikult lisaks.
igaks juhuks dannar teata rah min-i ka õigest aktsiisimääradest, äkki nad eksivad.

[Mõnuagent 007]

rah min andmetel tõuseb õlle aktsiis 1,40 eek/pudel pealt 1,92 eek/pudel peale. km tuleb loomulikult lisaks.
igaks juhuks dannar teata rah min-i ka õigest aktsiisimääradest, äkki nad eksivad.

ma tsiteerisin ühte lehte nagu lug4edes võid ka aru saada, siis esmalt tõuseb 10% aktsiis ning aasta keskel eriti raju 20%.

[Marduk]

Noh ei maksa siin rahvast ärevusse ajada. See aktsiisi tõus mõjutab pudeli hinda nii umbes 50-60 sendi juures. Seal tekstist on jäetud välja lõik, kus öeldakse, et seoses ka toorainete (oder, vesi, elekter) võimaliku kallinemisega võib õlle hind tõusta kuni paar-kolm krooni. Ja nagu ma aru olen saanud saab kange alko suurema laksu, kui lahja alko.

Samuti ei ole me peale seda kõrgeima alkoaktsiisiga riik euroopas vaid alles üheksandal kohal. Nii, et tõusmisruumi veel jagub.

See mis, aga tegelikult toimuma hakkab nohhhh seda näeme kohe varsti. Alternatiivina soovitan hakata tarbima peeti. 20.- eeku pudel ja veab ilusti kraavi kui vaja . Veinide aktsiis ei tõuse.

[mazz]

Ja nagu ma aru olen saanud saab kange alko suurema laksu, kui lahja alko.

Viinad pean ka kõik ära ostma?

[eston maravilha]

kõik eurosid vahetama!

[marti88]

egas siis midagi puskari villimine keldrites algab jälle

[eestimees]

Performance - noh, ma usun, et täna me kõigepealt elame üle kõike rõõmsat ja seda, mis ajalugu on meile jätnud tänaseks ja selle nimel ma soovin kõikidele palju õnne ja tahet jätkuvalt, edaspidiseks.
Definitsiooni autor: sm Arnold Rüütel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6lI2-fkktk

[Mask]

Kes inglise keelest aru saab, siis head lugemist.

World War Two had been an online Real Time Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this:

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*

[Punkt]

Everyone please watch out for the following viruses:

The Manchester United Virus - This is where your PC thinks it is far superior than any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting anything that happened before 1993.

The David Beckham Virus - This affects newer PC's mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.

The Roy Keane - This one is particularly nasty and will throw you out of Windows...

The Alex Ferguson Virus - The computer develops a continuous whining noise and the on screen clock runs a lot faster or slower (depending on how your day's been), than all the other computers in the building.

The Fabien Barthez Virus - This one's not particularly harmful - but you just can't save anything.

The Neville Bros. Virus - Just when you think things can't get any worse, this one pops up and causes a calamitous error.

The Ryan Giggs Virus - The computer develops a processor problem, whereby it thinks it's better than it actually is. It also experiences dramatic fluctuation in performance.

The Luke Chadwick Virus - This is a particularly ugly one.

The Paul Scholes Virus - which works fine for the European market, but somehow fails to perform in Japan.

The Laurent Blanc Virus - which is too slow for modern processes, the lack of speed makes you look in disbelief at your monitor.

The Manchester United Shirt Virus - This one is especially hard to detect as it changes it's format every 3 months.

[Bob_Loblaw]

Steven Gerrard: "Officer, thieves have broken into my house and stolen my six Premier League title medals."

Police Officer: "Six Premier League title medals? I find that very difficult to believe. You're a good player, Steve, but you're no Phil Neville.

----------

Shaun Maloney goes into the pub with a fried egg on his heid and offers to suck the barmaids tits.

Barmaid says "You're a little forward"

Shaun says "don't talk about ma height ya fucking cunt or I'll take this fried egg off ma heid and smash it intae yer face"

[Daz Booob]

Kaks naist saavad baaris kokku:
Esimene: Kuulsin, et sul ei lähe enam märjaks?
Teine: Mis jutt see on? Kes sul seda rääkis?
Esimene: Kurjad keeled rääkisid.