Veits nalja

[marcello]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Kell neli laupäeva hommikul tõusis naine tasakesi voodist ja hiilis keldrisse. Seal lõi ta haamriga puruks spinninguketta, murdis ridva, valas landid happega üle ning lõikas puruks kummipaadi ja saapad. Seejärel hiilis naine tuppa, heitis vaikselt voodisse ja surus põse õrnalt mehe õla vastu.
Elada jäi tal 1 tund ja 45 minutit...

[Jeti88]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Päris naljakas

Paljud on seda kindlasti näind ka ma arvan.

[Sv8]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

ei tea kas see siin olnud aga siit see tuleb siis


Vene aeg. Noormees Uno Aguraiuja vôetakse sôjaväkke.
Jôuab siis Siberisse väeossa, seal rivistatakse kôik platsile, kus praapor hakkab nägusid kontrollima.
\"Petrov!\" hüüab praapor.
\"Ja\'!\" kostab vastus rivist.
\"Ivanov!\"
\"Ja\'!\"
\"Pavlov!\"
\"Ja\'!\"
\"Agurai Huija!\"
\"Ja\'!\"
\"Nihuijassibje familja...\" pomiseb praapor.
\"Ja\'!\" kostab rivist.

[mikc]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Subject: Sydney Radio
Just imagine sitting in traffic on you way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.

The DJs play a game where they award winners with great prizes. The game is called \'Mate Match\'. The DJ\'s call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers\'yes\' he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

The person is also to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same 3 questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you\'ve heard. Anyway, here\'s how it all went down:

DJ: Hey! This is Ed on c\\. Have you ever heard of Mate Match?

Contestant: (laughing) Yes, I have.

DJ: Great. Then you know we\'re giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please.

Contestant: Brian

DJ: Are you married or what?

Brian (laughing nervously) Yes I am married.

DJ Thank you. Now what is your wife\'s name? First only please.

Brian: Sara

DJ: Is Sara at work, Brian?

Brian: She is gonna kill me.

DJ: Stay with me here Brian. Is she at work?

Brian (laughing) Yes , she is at work.

DJ: Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?

Brian: About 8 o\'clock this morning.

DJ: Atta boy Brian.

Brian (laughing sheepishly) Well?

DJ: Question 2 - How long did it last?

Brian: About ten minutes.

DJ: Wow! You really want that trip, huh! No one would ever have said that if a trip was not at stake.

Brian: Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.

DJ: Okay, final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o\'clock this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) I, ummm, I well.....

DJ: This sounds good, Brian, Where was it at?

Brian: Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks....

DJ: Uh huh.

Brian: and the Mother in law was in the shower at the time.

DJ: Atta boy, Brian.

Brian: On the kitchen table.

DJ: Not that great? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I\'ve done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife\'s work number and call her up. You listen to this.

(3 minutes of commercials follow)

DJ: Okay audience, lets call Sara, shall we (Touch tones ringing)

Clerk: Kinkos.

DJ: Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?

Clerk: This is she.

DJ: Sara, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I\'ve been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.

Sara: (laughing) A couple of hours!

DJ: Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you\'ll lose. Sooooo... do you know the rules of Mate Match?

Sara: No.

DJ: Good.

Brian (laughing).

Sara (laughing) Brian what the hell are you up to?

Brian: Just answer the questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.

DJ: Yeah, yeah Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sara. If your answers match Brians answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sara: Ok.

DJ: Alright. When did you last have sex, Sara?

Sara: Oh God Brian..........uh, this morning before Brian went to work.

DJ: What time?

Sara: Around 8 this morning.

DJ: Very good. Next question. How long did it last?

Sara: 12, 15 minutes maybe.

DJ: Hmmmm. That\'s close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We\'ve got one last question, Sara. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?

Sara: Yes.

DJ: Where did you have it?

Sara: OH MY GOD BRIAN! You did not tell them that did you?

Brian: Just tell them honey.

DJ: What is bothering you so much, Sara?

Sara: Well.....

DJ: Come on Sara.... where did you have it?

Sara: Up the arse.

After a long pause, the DJ said, Folks, we need to take a station

break. And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing.

[IndrekL]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Mine pekki @ peremees

[vandersell]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

pigem võiks pekki saata roheliseleKonnale. Kui ma ikka õigesti mäletan.

[päkapikk]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Algselt postitas hmf


Päris naljakas

Paljud on seda kindlasti näind ka ma arvan.

Ei tea kas portud valmistusid meie vastu samamoodi ennast ette???Figo käitumisest tundub küll nii.

[varix]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. \"Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a \'goy\" and changed my name from Levi to Spamoni and I am alive today because of it.\"
\"Self preservation is important and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable,\" said the Rabbi.
\"Rabbi, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her.\"
\"That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need to feel guilty.\"
\"It\'s worse Rabbi. I was weak and allowed her to repay me for my efforts with her sexual favours.\"
\"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favourable balance between good and evil and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt.\"
\"Thank you, Rabbi. That\'s a great load off my mind. But I have one more question.\"
\"And what is that?\"
\"Should I tell her the war is over?\"

[Raivo19]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Algselt postitas Sv8


ei tea kas see siin olnud aga siit see tuleb siis


Vene aeg. Noormees Uno Aguraiuja vôetakse sôjaväkke.
Jôuab siis Siberisse väeossa, seal rivistatakse kôik platsile, kus praapor hakkab nägusid kontrollima.
\"Petrov!\" hüüab praapor.
\"Ja\'!\" kostab vastus rivist.
\"Ivanov!\"
\"Ja\'!\"
\"Pavlov!\"
\"Ja\'!\"
\"Agurai Huija!\"
\"Ja\'!\"
\"Nihuijassibje familja...\" pomiseb praapor.
\"Ja\'!\" kostab rivist.

tean sellist varianti,mis vastab lausa tõele


Vene sõjaväeosas on loendus,kus kõik kordamööda oma nime hüüavad:TJUNIN(jest),ANDREJEV(jest),KRAVTSENKO(jes t),PAJUPUU...,millele praporilt \"jest\" ei järgne,vaid ta hoopis küsib:kak,kak!? Saades vastuseks uuesti- \"PAJUPUU\"..hüüab prapor- \"Pajebuu stolje!!\"

[Zajats]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Luterlane, katoliiklane ja muslim istuvad baaris. Katoliiklane joob
veini, katoliiklane viskit ja muslim lürbib teed. Luterlane räägib:
\"Mul on neli poega, annaks Jumal mulle veel ühe, oleks terve
korvpallimeeskond.\"
Katoliiklane ütleb:
\"Mul on 10 poega, annaks Jumal ühe veel, oleks jalgpallimeeskond.\"
Muslim ütleb selle peale:
\"Mul on 17 naist. Annaks Allah ühe veel, oleks terve golfiväljak!\"

[varix]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

\"There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guys head who wears Bounty on his head.\"
— Jay Leno

\"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves.\"
— David Letterman

\"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Ladens organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard.\"
— David Letterman

\"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. Well taste your food, you check our mail.\"
— Jay Leno

\"People are wondering what will happen to Afghanistan when were finished fighting there. Im sure there are plans to rebuild the country, and a lot of times with rebuilding comes a name change. These are some possible name changes the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan.\"
— Jay Leno

\"Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden. How about finding Dick Cheney? Where did he go? What have we got caves over here now, too? Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is Waldo.\"
— Jay Leno

\"We are getting more and more insight into the life of Osama bin Laden. Today the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States said that bin Laden had an unhappy childhood growing up, 52 brothers and sisters. You think his childhood was unhappy, wait til we deliver his mid-life crisis.\"
— Jay Leno

\"There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel like a woman in their country.\"
— Jay Leno

[Jyrka]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Jesus KRAIST millist jama ameeriklased vaatavad.

[Zajats]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Siseneb itinaine baari, tellib dringi. Peagi ligineb talle
meesterahvas, üritades tutvuda:
“Olete üksi või ootate oma meest?”
“Milleks mees! On ju näiteks orkut…”
“Hmm, aga telefon ikka on?”
“Milleks telefon! On ju näiteks skype…”
Mees irooniliselt: “Siis ei ole vist aadressi ka?”
“Kuidas ei ole - 182.178.30.1: port 1578!\"

[Devil]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

Kuidas öelda Arnold Rüütli stiilis välja lihtne lause: \"Ingrid, ma lähen poodi õlle järele\".

Seoses kätte jõudnud äärmiselt tõsise, et mitte öelda teatud mõttes kriitilise situatsiooniga meie lähiümbruses, ma pean siin silmas teatavaid puudujääke, mille ületamatus võib põhjustada meie mikrokliimas raskestiprognoositavaid tagajärgi ja võibolla oleks siin asjakohane meenutada ühte teist teatavalt kriitilist situatsiooni kogu Vabariigis kümme aastat tagasi, mille me ühiste jõupingutuste tulemusena ja tänu siinkõneleja vatutustundlikule initsiattiivile, suutsime lahendada - mis ma tahan öelda? - ma tahan öelda, et me ei saa nüüdki taanduda oma põhimõtetest alla anda, me peame poest paar õlut ära tooma, Ingrid.

[ek]

Vastus teemale \'Veits nalja\'

reedeõhtune naljake kuigi pea kindlasti on enamus seda kunagi juba kuulnud-lugenud:


Blondiin osaleb miljonimängus.
1. Küsimus: Kui kaua kestis 100 aastane sõda ?
a: 116 b: 99 C: 100 D: 150
Blondiin jätab küsimuse vahele

2. Küsimus: Milises riigis leiutati Panama kaabu ?
a: Brasiilias b: Tšiilis c: Panamas d: Equadoris
Blondiin helistab sõbrale.

3. Mis kuul tähistati Oktoobrirevolutsiooni aastapäeva ?
a: Jaanuaris b: Septembris c:Oktoobris d: Novembris
Blondiin palub publiku abi

4. Millise looma nimest on saanud nime Kanaari saared ?
Blondiin võtab võidetud summa ja väljub mängust.

Ja nüüd,sina, kes sa pead ennast ilusaks, targaks ja tubliks. Võid lugeda
õigeid vastuseid.
1. 100 aastane sõda kestis 116 aastat 1337 1453
2.Panama kaabu leiutati Equadoris
3.Oktoobrirevolutsiooni tähistati 7. Novembril.
4. Ladina keeles on Insukaria Canaria - Hüljeste saar.

Mine vaata peeglist oma juuste värvi !