Veits nalja

[Jasper]

 

[Redman]

[zelee]

[Jasper]

klassikaline Z


klassikaline Carlo

Matuidi:
"Ten minutes before my goal, Zlatan came up to me and told me to run when the next long ball came towards him: so come closer to me, attack and shoot".

Ancelotti, earlier in the season:

"For me, Zlatan was a nice surprise. You know what sets him apart from great champions like him? His altruism. I don't know whether he's more pleased when scores a goal or when he helps someone else score. Ibra has improved our team a lot. He's scored so many goals, but also has made many others do. One example is Matuidi, he's our Nocerino. This year he scored four goals before last year even one. " source

Obviously there's no resemblance to Nocerino when it comes to tackling, but in goals from moving off Zlatan.

There's also this story from Ancelotti:

In an interview given to Corriere della Sera, the former Milan coach Carlo Ancelotti, revealed that he had taken Nocerino as an example for the PSG player Matuidi:

"Exactly. It is this history of Nocerino that helped me to play a joke on Matuidi. I told him:'' You know that at Milan a certain Nocerino has scored so many goals thanks to Ibra that he eventually felt compelled to give him a gift? He gave him a Ferrari ... ". Matuidi looked at me with eyes like that and he stammered:'' But I do not have a car I can give. " To which I replied:'' Okay, but get to work. " source

klassikaline Gattuso

After dinner, Gattuso comes over to
where I’m sitting and says, “Come on, coach, let’s
play Brigand Chief. It’s fun, and there are some new
players who’ve never done it before.”
I raise one eyebrow and look skeptical, which is
something that comes naturally to me. “No, not that
game again. Don’t ask me to do Brigand Chief. I’m
tired, I don’t feel like it tonight.”
All the others, in chorus: “Coach, coach, coach.”
This is where it starts, that was the signal. “Okay,
but this really is the last time.”
I begin to explain the rules, but it’s really just for
Flamini’s benefit, because he’s the only one who
doesn’t know what’s going on. There are parts to be
assigned, one for every player. It all goes without a
hitch, until it’s time to choose the brigand chief. That’s
when the fun begins.
Now it’s Gattuso’s turn to pipe up: “Tonight I want to
play the brigand chief.”Inzaghi jumps to his feet, his napkin tumbling to the
floor: “Jesus, Rino, that’s enough! You’ve already
been the brigand chief once, tonight it’s my turn.”
Kaladze breaks in, furiously: “Oh, you’re all a bunch
of brownnosers, let an outsider have some fun for
once.”
Okay, it’s time for me to intervene: “Now, boys,
calm down. Let’s let one of the new recruits have a
shot at it.”
Kaladze: “I vote for Beckham.”
Kaká: “But Beckham doesn’t even speak Italian.
How can he be the brigand chief?”
Then it’s my turn again: “Oh, I’m fine with Beckham.”
Everyone turns to look at Flamini. He turns red with
fury and practically shouts: “Me, me, I want to be the
brigand chief!”He went for it. He swallowed it hook, line, and
sinker.
Now the prank can begin: I start to tell the story.
“Once upon a time, in a beautiful castle, there
lived …” Maldini, waving a fork in one hand: “A king.”
“And of course this king is married to …”
Borriello, with swishy enthusiasm: “The queen.”
“Whenever the king and queen want to leave the
castle, they ride in a carriage pulled by six beautiful
horses, and holding the reins is the …”
Kalac, both hands pulling imaginary reins as he
rocks on his seat, cries: “The coachman!”
“But the coachman never rides alone, at his side is
his trusted …”
Abbiati, almost dancing with joy: “Assistant
coachman!”
I stop for a second and reflect: these players are
going to try to win the Italian championship. My God.
“All together, the king and the queen, the coachman
and assistant coachman, have to drive through a
dangerous dark forest, so they must be escorted by
the …”
Emerson, Pato, Kaká, Dida, Ronaldinho, and
Seedorf all leap to their feet, waving knives and
shouting in unison: “Royal guards!!”
“Because lurking in the forest are the …”
Zambrotta, Bonera, Antonini, and Jankulovski, with
napkins on their heads: “The brigands!!!”
“And these brigands are commanded by the …”
Silence. Flamini slowly gets up from his chair and
practically whispers: “The brigand chief.”
“No, Mathieu, that’s not how we do it. You have to
give it a little more oomph, you have to say it loud, like
Maldini.”
We start over. “And these brigands are
commanded by the …”
Flamini, a little louder: “The brigand chief!”
Maldini: “You really don’t get it, do you? You have to
shout! It! Out!”
And, as always, the third try is the one that works.
“And these brigands are commanded by the …”
Flamini, red-faced, shouts furiously: “THE BRIGAND
CHIEF!”
There’s a brief pause. Then everyone stands up,
from Beckham to Sheva. The roar is terrifying, the
entire A. C. Milan team, in a single thunderclap of a
voice: “… WHO GIVES EVERYONE BLOWJOBS AND WIPES HIS
MOUTH ON A LEAF!” The silence is deafening. Gattuso
practically faints. Mathieu Flamini (a wonderful
person, a genuine team player) glares at me angrily. I
can read his expression, I know what he’s thinking: “A
pig can’t coach.”

klassikaline Kaladze (Georgia energiaminister)

Rino Gattuso was losing his mind, and it was all Kakha Kaladze's fault. Rino’s birthday is January 9.
A few days before his birthday, at the beginning of a training session, Kakha made us all stop what we were doing. He asked if he could speak. "Coach, sorry, I have
something to say. It’s very important."
"Be my guest, Kakha."
"It’s three days to Rino Gattuso’s birthday."
Maybe his gears were starting to slip, but we decided to act as if nothing had happened. That night, at dinner, the same thing: "Excuse me, guys, I have something to tell you all."
"Go ahead, Kakha."
"It’s two days and fourteen hours till Rino Gattuso’s birthday."
Our doctors gave us worried looks; they wanted to intervene. They were standing by with a straitjacket, cleaned and pressed, but we told them to hold off.

The following morning, the same thing again. He raised his hand, and I let him go ahead: "Go ahead, Kakha."
"It’s two days until Rino Gattuso’s birthday."
Poor Kaladze, Alzheimer’s is a terrible thing. And in such a young man, too.
The team members started laughing, and Rino started to lose his temper. He felt he was a target of ridicule.
The countdown went on - and on, and on. Until the night of January 8: "Guys, it’s just three hours until Rino Gattuso’s birthday."
Rino Gattuso was having a hard time controlling himself at this point. He would have gladly beaten Kaladze within an inch of his life.

Finally, it was the 9th: nothing. Zero. No one said a thing. The silence of the darkest days. So I finally spoke up: "Kakha, you don’t by any chance have something to tell us?"
"No, coach, what on earth would I have to tell you?"
"You’re sure you’re not forgetting anything?"
"I don’t think so."
I looked at Rino out of the corner of my eye; he was ticking like a time bomb, ready to go off at any second. He kept control of himself and believed he had emerged the winner.

On January 10, at lunch at training camp, Kakha came over to me with a very sad expression on his face. It seemed like something terrible had happened, so I walked
over to him with a show of concern, and asked him, "Is there something wrong?"
"Yes, coach, it’s three hundred and sixty-four days till Rino Gattuso’s birthday."
Explosion in the cafeteria; we were clearly in the presence of a genius. Kakha was immediately chased down by Rino and pummeled furiously.
I think that this is when Kakha began to feel the first creakings in his knee.

[zelee]

[Aramis]

Olen laivis näinud seda tähistamist Eestis...küll ala oli teine.

[Marts]

[wordprez]

Twitter recently turned 7 years old...which explains why the pope is now on it.

[CD7]

When a North Korean eats a Snickers bar they turn into a South Korean?

When a North Korean eats anything they turn into a South Korean

[Tofoa]

Ever wondered what the difference between Granny and Grandad is?

A 5 year old Grandaughter is usually taken to her school, daily, by her Grandfather.
When he had a bad cold, his wife took the Grandchild.
That night she told her parents that the ride to school with Granny was very different!
"What made it different?" asked her parents:
"Well, Gran and I.... didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dickhead, stupid prick or wanker anywhere on the way to school today!"

[orbitaaljaam]

Juku küsib isalt: " Isa, kuidas vorsti tehakse? "
Isa: " No, võetakse lammas, lükatakse masinasse ja välja tuleb vorstike ! "
Juku: " Oota, kuidas nii ? "
Isa: " No ma ju räägin sulle, võetakse lammas, lükatakse masinasse ja välja tuleb vorstike. "
Juku: " Ikkagi ei saa midagi aru. "
Isa: " Poja oled sa loll või, räägin ju ,võetakse lammas, lükatakse masinasse...."
Juku segades isa jutu vahele: " Aga kas on ka selline masin olemas, lükkad vorstikese masinasse ja välja tuleb lammas ? "
Isa: On küll, see on sinu ema !

[Daz Booob]

[Tofoa]

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God

She asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years?

Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

(You'll love this)

God replied: "Shit! I didn't recognize you."

[Kenny's Heroes]

kui väike mänguisu peaks peale tulema

[zelee]

http://dailycurrant.com/2013/04/22/sarah-palin-calls-invasion-czech-republic/

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