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Beckham will be ready for the world cup!
ENGLAND'S World Cup hopes were back on track last night after Tom Cruise said he could heal his friend David Beckham using nothing more than a simple Dianetic mind poultice.
The Hollywood superstar said he had treated more than 10 million injuries exactly like Beckham's and that the midfielder would soon achieve the physical perfection of the mighty Thetan overlords who invented football more than 15 trillion years ago.
Dr Julian Cook, director of the L Ron Hubbard Sports Injury Clinic, said: "If you were to examine David you would see that he has in fact pulled the tendons inside his brain and they can only be unpulled with the timely application of a grade-four mind poultice."
According to Cook the treatment will involve Cruise putting on a skin-tight silver jumpsuit, a pair of protective goggles and the Electric Gloves of Arkammon before sitting very carefully on Beckham's face.
He added: "David must lie perfectly still while Tom slowly rubs his bottom against the nose and forehead using small circular motions and humming very gently.
"The super-intelligent healing electricity from Tom's armpits will pass down his spinal column before being fired at high speed out of his anus and into David's nostrils where it will then make its way to the injured brain tendons."
An FA source said: "This has to work. Defensively we're strong and Rooney's on fire but we are short of options when it comes to whiny-voiced clothes horses with comprehensively unbearable wives."
Meanwhile the Beckham injury brings the number of potential England excuses to four including altitude, car-jacking and a fresh wave of John Terry skank explosions.
A spokesman for Cruise said last night: "This is an act of friendship and no money or favours are expected in return, though if David did want to get a tattoo on his back which depicts Tom sitting on his face that would be a lovely gesture."
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Tottenham and England striker Peter Crouch will bring back his robot dance goal celebration - if he scores in the World Cup final. "I'd definitely pull out the robot in the World Cup final. I might even have to work on some new moves just in case that happens. But I doubt I'd have time to think about how to react if I scored."
Isn't he lovely?the woman who hurt him must surely have trouble sleeping
because belle of st mark is a beauty extraordinaire
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Algselt postitas mcnamara Vaata postitustTottenham and England striker Peter Crouch will bring back his robot dance goal celebration - if he scores in the World Cup final. "I'd definitely pull out the robot in the World Cup final. I might even have to work on some new moves just in case that happens. But I doubt I'd have time to think about how to react if I scored."
Isn't he lovely?
vana hea robot
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Algselt postitas ertz Vaata postitustthe woman who hurt him must surely have trouble sleeping
because belle of st mark is a beauty extraordinaire
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See on kindlasti Terry ultimaatum, et meeskonna naised tuleb ligi lasta."The great fallacy is that the game is first and last about winning. It’s nothing of the kind. The game is about glory. It’s about doing things in style, with a flourish, about going out and beating the other lot, not waiting for them to die of boredom". - Danny Blanchflower, legend
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Algselt postitas vello99 Vaata postitustSee on kindlasti Terry ultimaatum, et meeskonna naised tuleb ligi lasta.
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Noh, keegi polegi veel postitanud poistebändi 'Capello 30' koosseisu.
Goalkeepers: Joe Hart, David James, Robert Green.
Defenders: Leighton Baines, Jamie Carragher, Ashley Cole, Michael Dawson, Rio Ferdinand, Glen Johnson, Ledley King, John Terry, Matthew Upson, Stephen Warnock.
Midfielders: Gareth Barry, Michael Carrick, Joe Cole, Steven Gerrard, Tom Huddlestone, Adam Johnson, Frank Lampard, Aaron Lennon, James Milner, Scott Parker, Theo Walcott, Shaun Wright-Phillips.
Forwards: Darren Bent, Peter Crouch, Jermain Defoe, Emile Heskey, Wayne Rooney.
Ei ole meil siis Hargot, mis ei ole üllatav; ega Zamorad, mis on mõnevõrra üllatav, ega Ashley Youngi, mis on väga üllatav. See-eest on vigane Barry ja Adam Johnson, nagu lubatud.We have to disorganise their organisation so we have to be very creative.
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Algselt postitas fitti Vaata postitustNoh, keegi polegi veel postitanud poistebändi 'Capello 30' koosseisu.
Goalkeepers: Joe Hart, David James, Robert Green.
Defenders: Leighton Baines, Jamie Carragher, Ashley Cole, Michael Dawson, Rio Ferdinand, Glen Johnson, Ledley King, John Terry, Matthew Upson, Stephen Warnock.
Midfielders: Gareth Barry, Michael Carrick, Joe Cole, Steven Gerrard, Tom Huddlestone, Adam Johnson, Frank Lampard, Aaron Lennon, James Milner, Scott Parker, Theo Walcott, Shaun Wright-Phillips.
Forwards: Darren Bent, Peter Crouch, Jermain Defoe, Emile Heskey, Wayne Rooney.
Ei ole meil siis Hargot, mis ei ole üllatav; ega Zamorad, mis on mõnevõrra üllatav, ega Ashley Youngi, mis on väga üllatav. See-eest on vigane Barry ja Adam Johnson, nagu lubatud.
Hea meel, et Joe Cole on kaasatud. Klass on klass, olgu vigastustega kuidas tahes. Youngi puudumine on jah veidi üllatav, aga Cole, Wright-Phillips, Walcott, Lennon on niigi sees. Keegi pidi välja jääma.
Rünnakul oleksin ise Zamorat Bentile eelistanud, kuid kardetavasti lõplikku 23 ei mahuks kumbki. Vigastused muidugi võivad olukorda muuta.the woman who hurt him must surely have trouble sleeping
because belle of st mark is a beauty extraordinaire
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Algselt postitas DesgraciaKõik on õige, ainult et Barry asemel peaks Young olema ja Heskey asemel Zamora.
7 meest kes lõplikku koosseisu ei mahu - Baines, Huddlestone, Johnson, Parker, Bent on suht kindlad ... ning kaks viimast on lahti Upson/King/Dawson ning Cole/SWP/Walcott vahel.Victoria Concordia Crescit
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Algselt postitas marv3llous Vaata postitustMispärast? Barry on 100% algrivistuse mees kui ta terve on ning Young on ääreründaja mis on täiesti erinev positsioon sellele mida mängib Barry.
7 meest kes lõplikku koosseisu ei mahu - Baines, Huddlestone, Johnson, Parker, Bent on suht kindlad ... ning kaks viimast on lahti Upson/King/Dawson ning Cole/SWP/Walcott vahel.We have to disorganise their organisation so we have to be very creative.
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