Veits nalja

[CD7]

The maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I wanna increase."

"The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband, he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did"

Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did - did he???"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth; "And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Senora..The gardener did."

[BlueBlackWhite-]

Mees ostis omale uue Mersu ja mõtles, et läheks kimaks väheke Tartu maanteel. Jõudes kaherealisele tõmbas naksti 140 rauda ja oh häda, vilkurid kohe sabas. Mõtles hetkeks, et ega need politseinikud uut Mersut ikka kätte saa ja vajutas gaasi põhja. Kui 220 km/h sees oli, aga võmmid ikka maha ei tahtnud jääda lõi paanika lõpuks sisse ja, mõeldes juba eelseisvale jamale, peatas siiski oma uhke masina................... Politseinik jalutas rahulikult Mersuni, vaatas juhi dokumente, kontrollis joovet ja ütles siis: "Läks väheke kiireks siin ennist, aga kui tuled välja vabandusega, mida ma enne kuulnud ei ole, saad puhtalt minema." Mees mõtles hetke ning vastas: "Vaadake härra, eelmisel nädalal lasi mu naine ühe politseinikuga jalga ja nüüd ma mõtlesin, et äkki tahetakse moori tagasi tuua." "Kena nädalavahetust", soovis politseinik ning jalutas minema.

[CD7]

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

[EgoTrip]

Lasnamäe on nagu olümpialinn, kõik käivad dressides ja räägivad võõrkeelt

[hanemoos]

Tributes have been pouring in for boxing hero Joe Frazier.

John Terry said "the black cunt was a legend".

[budu]

Mart Ken-ile, kas maal on veel elu? Kahjuks küll, nad r...d nii visad. Sina keerasid põllumajandusega, mina päästega, tiba tuleb abi ka maanteametist. Aga ikka ei saa neist jagu.
/Järva-Teataja kommentaar/

[Kasper]

Absurdinali:

Eestlased ja iirlased mängivad jalgpalli. Eestlane saab punase.

[mongol]

Absurdinali:

Eestlased ja iirlased mängivad jalgpalli. Eestlane saab punase.

Absurd oleks siis, kui iirlane saaks punase

[Mõnuagent 007]

Stepanov ei julge pärast häbistavat Iirimaalt lüüasaamist avalikult linna peal käia ja maskeerib end vanamutiks. Vaatab peeglist, et ei tunneks isegi end ära.

Välja minnes aga juba teisel tänavanurgal tuleb mingi mustade prillidega kant vastu: "Tere, Stepanov."
- "Kurat, kust sa mind ära tundsid?"
- "Rahu-rahu, ma olen Piiroja."

[MESSI.]

Viimane on küll hea

[BlueBlackWhite-]

Pessimist ja optimist kohtuvad surnuaias. Pessimist optimistile:"Vaata, kui palju riste." Optimist pessimistile "Vaata, kui palju plusse"

[Katk]

Stepanov ei julge pärast häbistavat Iirimaalt lüüasaamist avalikult linna peal käia ja maskeerib end vanamutiks. Vaatab peeglist, et ei tunneks isegi end ära.

Välja minnes aga juba teisel tänavanurgal tuleb mingi mustade prillidega kant vastu: "Tere, Stepanov."
- "Kurat, kust sa mind ära tundsid?"
- "Rahu-rahu, ma olen Piiroja."

Väga üleannetu. Vana Kuusmaa vs Sokk nali ringi tehtud. Lisaks jätsid veel natuke teksti ära.

[hanemoos]

FACEBOOK QUIZ: "Which premiership footballer are you?"

Question 1: Do you cheat on your wife/girlfriend?

Answer: No

Quiz: You are not a premiership footballer.

[Teiresias]

I spotted a fat chick giving it large on the dance floor in the club last night, so I went over.

"Fancy going for a few drinks somewhere a little quieter?" I winked.

"Oh yes, definitely," she giggled.

"Thanks," I replied. "You're making me and the lads a little sick."

[hanemoos]

I spotted a fat chick giving it large on the dance floor in the club last night, so I went over.

"Fancy going for a few drinks somewhere a little quieter?" I winked.

"Oh yes, definitely," she giggled.

"Thanks," I replied. "You're making me and the lads a little sick."

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